The Woodworking Police? Oh, They're Out There
by Chris Black
Click on any picture to see a larger version.
So I'm at this tool show, demonstrating some hand tool joinery shortcuts that
are common in professional shops, when this guy pushes his way through the crowd
to the front of my bench. I'm about halfway finished with the dovetail portion where
I layout and cut without measuring when the guy pipes in, "Hey, you're cheating!"
"Cheating?" I ask.
"Yeah, you should be showing these folks the right way to cut dovetails, not
all these so-called shortcuts." I tried to explain that I acquired these tried and true
techniques through years of practical experience and that no official canon of
accepted woodworking practices actually existed. But he wouldn't have it. I then
realized that I had been busted by the woodworking police.
WHO ARE THEY?
I loosely define the woodworking police as folks who believe that their
woodworking techniques, tools or ideas are superior to anyone else's. In their minds
they keep the sacred knowledge and correct those who don't. They don no uniforms
and pin no badges, but they dwell among us nevertheless. They derive their power
from our insecurities and in the thought that they might be right. After all, none of us
want the shame and humiliation of being called out in front of the community of
woodworkers. Rules are rules after all.
WHERE ARE THEY?
Anywhere woodworkers gather, the woodworking police patrol to serve and
protect their Gnostic knowledge. They frequent woodworking clubs, guild meetings,
tool and trade shows. They haunt the home centers, hardware stores, lumberyards
and woodworking outlets in plain clothes. They wind up published in every
woodworking magazine's letters to the editor pointing out last month's safety
violations. You know what I'm talking about. Lately, they've been monitoring
internet forums, Facebook groups and woodworking chat-rooms. Oh, the chat-
rooms. Just try and post a picture of your current project or present a question to
the group. The woodworking police will come out of the, well, you know. One fellow
was accosted for posting a picture of an off-brand smoothing plane that he picked up
at a flea market. Apparently it was not the holy artifact Stanley Bailey #4 type 11 in
the box with original hand written receipt so much revered. Whew! The guy
panicked and gave the perfectly good plane to his brother in-law, and the guy isn't
even a woodworker.
HOW TO IDENTIFY THEM
Visually, the woodworking police look like any of us. Experts in woodworking
camouflage, they blend in to their surroundings waiting to pounce. They may be in
jeans or khakis, sporting a ball cap and sneakers just like you or me. In fact they are
totally indistinguishable from other woodworkers in appearance, so the only way to
recognize them is by their actions.
MINUTIA
Masters of minutia, woodworking police insist on using their correct term for
everything tool or technique related. Here are some examples. They demand we call
regular drill bits "twist-drills" and the edge of a chisel is not a bevel but a "bezel". Slip up
and call a fore plane a jack plane and you're in for some strange looks. Of course
they may be technically correct but a gutter-board is still a fascia, right? In fact there
could be some crossover from the grammar police here. Perhaps some are
moonlighting.
FAVORITE DEBATES AND CONCERNS
The woodworking police travel in two broad political parties known as the
Power Tools Guys vs. the Hand Tools Guys. Most of us average folks use both types of
tools and didn't realize there was even a debate. Within both parties dwell the
special units. They are the Deans of Technique Dogma, the Committee on Period
Correct Everything and the Overboard Safety Patrol. The Deans of Technique Dogma
concern themselves with issues like whether you should place you handplane face
down on the bench or on its side. The Committee on Period Correct Everything
scouts shows and craft fairs looking for Philips head screws when clearly slotted
screws should have been used. Heaven forbid you didn't French polish your Empire
end table. Polyurethane? Absolutely not! While the Overboard Safety Patrols scours
the internet and woodworking magazines for the smallest safety infraction hoping
to have their citation noted in next month's Letter to the Editor. You've seen the
disclaimers on magazine photos, "The table saw force field has been removed for
clarity." What they're saying is please don't send us any more gotcha emails. Really,
you need stop.
TRY TO RELAX AND HAVE SOME FUN
Of course I say all this tongue in cheek. For me the greatest thing about the
woodworking community is that it's an inclusive, joyful lot. Anyone with a coping
saw, a pine board, hammer and nails can experience the creativity and the joy of
woodworking. Building upon earlier projects, you gain experience, your tool list
expands and hopefully your passion for the craft flourishes. Sometimes our passion
can drift into elitism. Elitism breeds contempt. Contempt can eclipse our better
selves. We may feel tempted to criticize rather than encourage. Our focus becomes
mired in the minutia of the craft while we try to convince others that we're right
about some minor point. I've been a professional woodworker for years and
everyday I learn something new from a student or a beginning woodworker.
Occasionally I even pick up a trick or two from a member of the woodworking
police. If I had started wearing hearing protection earlier, I might not be saying huh
so much, egh? Engage, encourage and discuss, but let's try not to make up so many
arbitrary rules and regulations. In the end the grandchild you made the treasure
chest for is not concerned about the tightness of your dovetails or whether or not
you used an heirloom quality handplane to smooth the surfaces. All she knows is
that grandma made it for her. For that reason alone, she'll keep it for her children.
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Chris Black, a former longtime Highland employee, now spends most days caved up in his wood shop sharpening hand saws, teaching fine woodworking classes, selling antique tools and manufacturing a line of woodworking hand tools. He lives near Raleigh, NC.
Chris would be happy to answer any questions by email at
redscabinet@gmail.com
.
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